Confessions of a New Zumba Teacher

My Zumba career has been a bit of a weird one. To sum up briefly, back in 2015 I started taking a Zumba class through my work. After several months of consistently taking the class, my teacher asked if I would be interested in getting my certification so I could cover classes for her when she went on vacation. So I did.

Going through my blog, I now realize I have failed to tell you about how this all has gone off the rails. I covered my first class in April of last year and managed to survive. Between April and June, I covered a few more times, but it wasn't anything I didn't expect.

In mid-June, my teacher got a blood clot in her leg and was bed-ridden for 6-8 weeks. Two months. The class was mine for two months. I went from being the occasional sub to being the long-term sub. Although it was definitely more than I ever thought I would have to do, there was an end in sight so I managed.

Cut to the end of those two months. There was a bunch of drama behind the scenes that I was unaware of and suddenly the teacher had quit. The people who organize the class knew I wasn't ready to take over the class so I continued to cover while they found a new teacher.

It wasn't long until they did, but she was not a good fit. She screamed and shouted and pressured us into participating in ways we didn't want to and attendance dwindled. I started taking a different class on the weekends just reducing the number I took through work. Fortunately, I don't think she liked us either so she quit in October.

The coordinators tried to find us a replacement, but they didn't expect anyone before the New Year so the class was mine for almost three months. In that time, I started to improve as a teacher, but attendance never really rebounded from all the teacher-switching.

In the New Year, they did find a new teacher, but she also wasn't a good fit. She didn't really teach Zumba. It was more aerobics to pop songs, and attendance dropped even further. In April, she quit, too.

So for the last month or so, the class is officially mine. Not mine while they try to find someone else. Mine. It's been an uphill battle. Attendance has never really recovered and I have to cancel class too often due to lack of bodies. I've got ideas to increase it, but most of that stuff is out of my hands. All I can do is focus on getting people to come back once they've shown up for the first time.

I've spent a lot of time and energy working to become a better teacher and have a better class and here's what I've learned.

- Be the first person in and the last person out of the room. It comforts new people that they have the right place, it lets you get to know the people in your class, and it makes people believe that the class is a priority to you. You aren't running over late from something more important or rushing out the door to something else at the end.
- Don't choreograph to a song you enjoy. This one is really hard not to do, but don't incorporate songs into your routines because you like to listen to the song. Between choreographing, memorizing the steps, and teaching it in class, you will probably hear the song over a hundred times. According to my Itunes, I've listened to 'Cheap Thrills' by Sia 34 times and "Never Be Like You" by Flume 26 times. By that point, you can't enjoy the song anymore. So how do you find songs if you can't use songs you would listen to?
- However, Spanish covers of pop songs bring a familiarity that people enjoy without being overplayed. We dance to a cover of "I Want You Back" by the Jackson 5 called "Quedate Mas" and it's one of my classes favorites. They already know the tune so they are familiar with the transitions and they feel less lost.
- Over time, you'll develop a fondness for particular artists you never knew existed before. Between the songs Zumba provides, songs you hear in other people's classes, and random earwigs that you Shazam, you'll find artists you like. You may never understand a word they say, but they release songs that fit a certain style of dance and end up a staple of your routines. For me, those are Daddy Yankee and Nicky Jam.
- There are two types of students: 1) the newbies who need fun, simple songs to pick up quickly and 2) the returners who will get bored of the doing the same simple songs repeatedly, and you need to be able to cater to both. For a while, my solution for this was a mixture of simple and complicated songs. This would work in theory if you are a really good teacher. Once you start to lose the new people in a complicated song with poor cuing, it's very hard to earn their trust back. No one wants to feel lost. My favorite Zumba teacher has found a way around this. He has a library of simple, fun songs and constantly rotates between them. He'll either change their place in the song list or alternate between two salsa songs week to week. It means that the newbies get the simple songs they need while the returners are kept on their toes. I'm working to develop my own library so I can better use this strategy.

- Keep taking Zumba classes as a student. It's important to keep learning and exposing yourself to new songs, moves, and teaching styles.
- Avoid teaching a song that you dance to in another class, if possible. The common practice in Zumba is to direction students to start movements on their right side. Step with their right foot first, move to the right first, etc. This means as a teacher, facing your students, you start with your left. And while a good, experienced teacher can switch between a right-hand and left-hand routine easily, it's a veeeeeeery hard skill to develop. Muscle memory will screw you over if you are trying to teach a song you like to dance to. If you really want to teach a song you've done in another class, try to wait until the other teacher has phased it out of their routine so you can override your own muscle memory.
- Do your own math on ZIN. I've now taught both ways: before and after ZIN. My first year of teaching, I didn't have ZIN and I was fine. I was only covering other people's classes so getting paid for teaching was very inconsistent. Also, because of this, I didn't need to churn my routine very often because it was fairly fresh to people in the classes. I had time to find and learn new songs at my leisure. However, now that I'm teaching the same class twice a week, it's much harder to find or develop choreography on my own. ZIN has been very helpful in finding good songs and choreography and learning it faster.
- Develop good and consistent cueing. This is the make or break skill of a good teacher. Good cueing makes the transitions smooth, keeps people engaged and on beat, and earns you a level of trust and respect with your students. They need to trust you to feel comfortable and the easiest way to drive students away is for them to feel lost and uncomfortable.
- And lastly, make it an all-around fun experience. Make it social, not exercise.

I'm still learning. I feel like I will be learning for a long time to come, but it's getting easier and more fun and I can only hope that my students feel the same way. 

I Survived My First Zumba Class

In a post a few weeks ago, I recently earned my Zumba instructor license. The long-term plan was to become the substitute teacher for my Zumba class when my regular teacher can't attend.

I've been practicing like crazy and my first schedule teaching day is today.

However...

...last week my teacher had a last-second emergency so guess who stepped in? Yep, me. I have now taught my first official Zumba class! It was a mess at first because I was not prepared. I didn't have my music or my cute new Zumba shirt or my hair styled in the cute instructor way I'd been practicing, so I was initially disappointed, to be honest. 

But I could not have asked for a better class. It was a small class made up of coworkers and friends. 

In hindsight, I'm relieved that I had to teach last week. I got the first time jitters over with and it's only going to get better from here. I'm going to kick ass today. But this time, with my cute new shirt and real playlist. 

How to Survive Zumba License Class

Have you ever had little happy accidents happen slowly over time and then suddenly it's a year later and you look back and say to yourself, "How the hell am I now a licensed Zumba instructor?!"

No? Just me? Ok, let me tell you a story.

About a year ago, I got up the courage to start taking free Zumba classes that were offered by the campus I work on. I instantly fell in love with the class and it became part of my weekly routine.

After about six months of consistently attending Zumba twice a week, I was getting pretty good. I was making friends and having fun and getting better. At this time, the guy who organizes all the exercise classes for the campus came to me with an idea. Would I ever consider becoming Zumba certified so I could substitute teach my class? The campus would pay for my license classes and I would be an official Zumba instructor.

And because I am a crazy person, I said yes almost instantaneously.

Now, if you don't know me in real life, you would not look at me and go, 'Oh hey. She looks like a Zumba instructor." I can be clumsy and spazzy and not-at-all graceful. So why would I think I could be a Zumba instructor? Because why the hell not? What's the worst that could happen?

And then the coordinator came back to me and told me there was a license class in four weeks. Four weeks is absolutely no time what so ever when you're facing an eight hour Zumba license class. I was in nowhere near good enough shape to survive an eight hour class.

So I dropped the hammer. I got a temporary gym membership. I started running again. I checked out zumba DVDs from the library. I pushed myself. And when the time came to sign up for the class, I chickened out. Even after all my work, I didn't feel ready. I didn't feel like I was 'good enough' to be a Zumba instructor.

The coordinator was really supportive about it and we committed to talking about it again in the spring. I told myself that I would keep my training up and by that time, I knew I would be ready.

But Thanksgiving happened and the holidays happened and when he brought the class back up in late January, I was probably in worse shape, not better. I wasn't in a better place about it and while I wanted to be a Zumba instructor, I didn't know if I could do it.

The difference this time turned out to be my Zumba instructor. Before, I didn't know what the license class was. All I knew was that it was an eight hour class to license you. It sounded absolutely terrifying. However, after a long talk with my instructor, it turns out that I way overbuilt it in my head. I was stressing myself out over nothing.

With a new sense of clarity, I signed up and I did it. I am now a licensed Zumba instructor. It wasn't anything like I originally thought it would be.And because I originally had no idea what to expect, I thought I would outline my experience to calm the fears of anyone else considering getting their license.

• You cannot fail. Let me repeated this again so you fully understand. You cannot fail the Zumba license class. There is no test or assessment or anything. If you pay the money, show up, and stick out the full eight hours, you will receive your Zumba license. The way it was explained to me was that the license showed that you were taught, it does not guarantee you a teaching position. You still have to prove to whoever is hiring you to teach a class that you are good enough to teach.  But for me, I didn't care about that part. I already knew that I had someone who wanted me to teach, I just needed the piece of paper. I just needed to survive the class.
• It will be a large class. My Zumba class can flucuate with somewhere between four to twenty people and since we practice in a room that used to be a cafeteria, there's plenty of space for everyone. The Zumba license class was huge! It had to be close to sixty people in a regular-sized dance studio. As you can see below, the room was packed. While it was a different experience from what I'm used to, having to be incredibly mindful of the choreography so I didn't spin into someone, the plus side was the it was fairly easy to hide. It was easy to blend in and not participate if you don't want to. The teacher encourages energy and bravery as qualities that make a good instructor, but if that's not your speed yet, that's perfectly ok. 

• It will be a long class. When you sign up, they tell you it's an eight hour day. And while it is a very long day, it is definitely survivable with how they break it down. The first hour to 90 minutes is a full Zumba class. It will be the perfect example of a class they will teach you in the remaining seven hours. After the workout, you'll sit down and they'll give you an overview of what Zumba actually is. From there, the teacher breaks down the four different styles of dance that are at the core of Zumba. They'll go through one, break for lunch, and teach the remaining three after lunch. Each dance will be shown by the basic steps and there will be some actives to teach it. At the end of the day, it was the most sore I've been in a very long time, but at no point during the day did I feel like I was going to die. Just know your body and pace yourself. No one will push you harder than you push yourself. It's ok to take things slow. 

• Beware the pressures of ZIN. After breaking for lunch, the teacher will go into their schpeel about ZIN: the Zumba Instructors Network. It's a $35 a month subscription service that gives you music, choreography, DVDs, and other perks. They will push you very hard to join, but the thing to remember is that, in the USA, you do not need to be a ZIN member to be a Zumba instructor. The wording they use implies that you need to sign up, but it's not true. If you're playing on teaching at a gym and running several classes a week, it's probably a good deal, but for me, it clearly wasn't. Since I'm going to be a sub, my choreography should be as similar as possible to the regular teacher's choreography, meaning I didn't need any new moves. The pressure is high during the class, so you should do some research beforehand to determine if it's right for you. 
• Don't be embarrassed if you aren't a good dancer. I'm not. I try really hard, but I don't pick up the moves very quickly so in a new class with a new teacher, I flail quite a bit. Don't worry about it. Everyone is concerned with themselves and won't focus on you. Just focus on yourself, too. 

• Things to bring in your gym bag:
• Drinks: a refillable water bottle, some gatorade, maybe a coconut water. My teacher didn't pause for hydration breaks like my regular teacher, so be prepared to quickly glup some H20 when you rotate to the back of the room. During sit-down breaks, I sipped coconut water, as well. 
• Snacks: trail mix and protein bars. While there is a break for lunch, you'll be working out afterward, so eat light. Don't want to get nauseous or puke it back up. Graze slowly and tell yourself you'll just gourge on the way home. 
• A big towel, to dry yourself and to sit on. You will be sweaty and you will be sitting on the floor. Two birds, one stone. {Sidenote: some people bring camping chairs to sit on during breaks, but there's an air of judgement in the room against those people. While it's completely reasonable to bring one, 'serious dancers have no problem sitting on the floor' to quote my own teacher.}
• Change of clothes. After the full workout, towel yourself dry, try to stop sweating by waiting 15 to 20 minutes, and change out of your sweaty clothes. I brought a change of clothes, but I changed too soon after the full workout and kept sweating in my clean, dry clothes. 
• Sweatshirt. Once you stop moving, keep sweating, and sit down, you'll get really cold really quickly. Layer up. 
• Tissues or toilet paper. There were sixty of use so the bathroom ran out of toilet paper almost immediately. Unless you want to use paper towels, heed my warning. 
• Business or contact cards. You'll meet a lot of people and this will make things easier. And on that note...
• Making friends is easier than you think. I thought going into it that I would be a loner and I would be 100% ok with it. However, oddly enough, because the teacher chose some of the same songs we do in class, I knew the choreography. Because of this, some of the other students started looking to me, which was incredibly odd. If I had been more social, I could have been making friends hand over fist. In hindsight, I wish I had. It was a much more supportive and friendly environment than I had prepared for. 

I didn't anticipate enjoying the class as much as I did, which is probably the reason I chickened out the first time. I was only focused on surviving, but if I had known more beforehand, I think I could have really thrived. If you choose to do it, you will be fine. And don't be like me, try to enjoy it, too. 

Work Out Wednesday: Zumba

When I was a sophomore in college, a friend and I went to a bellydance class together because we were both too scared to go alone. She never went back. I went back for over a year and eventually became something of a teacher's assistant. The teacher got pregnant and couldn't perform certain moves under doctor's orders. I became her demonstrator, standing at the front of the class showing how to do the moves to the new students.

I absolutely loved that weekly class and I was so sad that the class basically died after the teacher had her baby.

That was eight years ago. In those years, I've repeatedly tried to find an adequate substitute. I've tried DVD workouts. Dan and I have took a Latin dance class together. I tried a zumba class that was a trainwreck. It was even a New Year's resolution last year to find a new bellydance class. And I failed at it.

After the holidays and the Superbowl and eating all the terrible food at the beginning of the year, my weight hit a number that was not good. It lit a fire under me to recommit to my goal of finding a new bellydance class. I had some different options all lined up when I got an email at work.

The campus of my work decided to start hosting free work out classes. Yoga, zumba, boot camp, all sorts of things. After realizing how expensive gym members could get just to do similar classes, I decided to give zumba a try.

I was so incredibly nervous for the first class, but afterwards, I was so proud of myself for going. I was an instant addict. The twice-weekly classes have become the highlight of my week. In the past few months, the only classes I've missed are for things I couldn't reschedule or for my business trip.

I haven't noticed a difference in my body (although my zumba instructor says she has), but I'm ok with that since there have been other great perks. The class starts later in the day, so I actually stay at work longer now and get more done. More importantly, the class has basically exposed me to a large percentage of the women who work on site with me. While the class is fialry small, ranging between one to two dozen people, there's such a small fraction of women who work on my site that it's allowed me to meet a lot of them.

And it doesn't have any of the qualities of a crappy workout class. We are all beginners, so there's no judgement. The songs rotate every couple of weekly so we're always learning. The room is huge so we all have our own space. It's free! And it's on site! I don't have to drive 30 minutes out of my way to stand in the back of an overcrowded room full of model zumba snobs.

I absolutely love it.

Sunrise (which is way to early in January) at Old Tucson

You know what I've been doing for the past few months? Training.

No, really.

The idea of running another race became jammed in my brain. I picked a race far enough out that I could work up to it, and then I did it. All the working up and all the racing.

Miraculously, more than actually running the race, I kept to my training schedule.

Seriously. I did. I didn't miss a single run.

It wasn't much, but three runs a week, progressively getting harder. And while I can't say I successfully completed all of them, I tried. Like, really freakin' hard. Through Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's and birthdays and visiting to see Dan's parents over the break, I ran three times a week.

This race wasn't anything fancy or difficult. It was a four mile trail race through Old Tucson Studios, the place where all the old westerns used to be filmed, but now, the place us locals take our out-of-town relatives.

And I did it. Ran all four miles on a ridiculously chilly January Sunday morning. I even beat my goal time of 48 minutes (my 12 min/mile pace) with a time of 46:24. Not impressive for a runner, but impressive enough for me. {Sidenote: it was a fun run, but I don't think I'll do it again. Because it was a trail course, it was a little too claustrophobic for me to be comfortable.}

Although, I did start to feel like a runner in the last few weeks of training. Mainly, unfortunately, due to my injury. I tweaked something in my hip and with each run, it got tweakier, if you know what I mean. By the day the race rolled around, I was already starting to limp a bit. However, it didn't hinder my running, so I pushed through. Four miles of running made my hip its tweakiest, though.

Afterward, I limped pretty severely for a week and a half. That was a fun conversation to have with each and every one of my nosy coworkers. Yes, I'm fine. I just pushed myself too hard running because I am terribly out of shape and this is my body rebelling against me.

Several weeks later, the limp is almost 100% gone. Last week, I started working out again, anything but running, to let my hip get some additional healing. This week is the scary week, though, because if I plan on trying the Cinco De Mayo run again this year, I have got to start training again. I've got to add two miles to the end of the Old Tucson distance, which will not be an easy feat for me.

We'll see how it goes. Getting a hip replacement at 28 years old doesn't exactly seem reasonable in order to run a 10k...

How I Survived the 30 Day Shred

You know what today is? It's Day 31. DAY 31! I officially don't have to work out today!

I survived Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred!

And in all honesty, by the end, it sucked.

Let's start at the beginning. After our vacation to Hawaii, I was feeling kind of gross. For five days, we ate our faces off without a care in the world because, hell, it was vacation. When we returned home, though, the pounds followed.

To kick start getting into shape, I woke up one morning and decided that it was time to do all 30 days of the 30 Day Shred. Ten days on each of the three levels of workouts. In a row with no days off.

The first ten days weren't that bad. Yes, there were times when it was hard to fit in a workout, but I got through. I stuck with it and I started to see progress. By Day 4, I was able to do more push-ups. Granted, still on my knees, but more of them. My stomach and arms felt firmer. My clothes fit the same and the scale didn't change, but I felt better.

Of course, this was only because I kind of liked Level 1. None of the exercises made me want to fly to Los Angeles with the sole intent of slapping Jillian Michaels.

Level 2 was different. I hate Level 2. About 40% of Level 2 is in plank pose. I hate plank pose. But, I was still so motivated from the first ten days that I pressed on. By Day 15, I could stay in plank pose a little bit longer without wanting to cry. It was still not my type of workout, but I pushed through and counted down the days to Level 3.

In the past when I'd done Level 3, it was hard, but it was better than Level 2. There was only one exercise in plank pose so I didn't hate the exercises as they tried to kill me.

However, I had never attempted ten days straight of Level 3. These last nine or so days of Level 3 have been draining. Mentally, I checked out. I know that every night, I need to suck it up, turn on the DVD, and jump around my living room, but my heart wasn't in it. I have just been going through the motions. My level of commitment and effort just wasn't what it was in the beginning.

A big hit also came from the fact that I traveled for work on Days 26 through 29. This is commitment, guys. I took the DVD with me. I did Supermans on a gross hotel room floor. Just going through the motions, but the motions none the less.

On Day 30, I did do everything I could to try my hardest. It's easier when the end is at most minutes away. I was a Natalie, not an Anita, for the first time in Level 3. Embarrassingly, when I finished, I sobbed. My face was wet with tears and sweat, a conflict in temperature as the salty water ran down my face.

I survived. I survived the 30 days. Here's what I learned on my journey:

• Committing to a workout regime for 30 days isn't as challenging as I thought it would be. Right about the time it starts to really wear on you mentally is when change starts to happen physically. You get better and it gets a little easier. It pushes you through the next couple of days and then your on to the next level.
• Finding 20 minutes every day to work out can be incredibly easy. And incredibly challenging. Some days, I'd get home from work and my workout would be the first thing I would do. Some days, I'd do it at 9PM, take a shower, and go to bed. On weekends, I'd do it right before lunch. Those were the easy days. The days before I left for my work trip, I woke up an hour early to work out since I knew I'd be busy all night prepping for my trip. One Friday night, I had a party to attend and an emergency after the party to help with, so I didn't get the chance to work out until very late. I was so exhausted that I thought I was going to sob through my work out. Anyway, point is, if it is important, you stop making excuses and you just do it. 
• It is possible to see results. I don't know if I'd ever committed to a routine enough before to actually see results, but I can do more push-ups now. I can do more squats and lunges. My arms are stronger. 
• It is also possible to work out for 30 days straight and not see results. My clothes aren't falling off of me now. The scale didn't go down. If anything, I think it went up. Probably in a 'muscle weighs more than fat' way, but my body looks the same. Granted, I guess that's not why I chose this goal, but it would have been a nice side effect. {Sidenote: I wasn't following the diet program so that may help you see weight loss if that's your goal.}
• The only way to stick with something as boring and tiring as a workout routine like the 30 Day Shred is to make it enjoyable. Buy workout clothes you actually like to wear. Teach your cat to box with you. Mute the workout and play your own soundtrack. You don't have to hear Jillian mention 'cake walk', and therefore 'cake', yet again. The less you like it, the harder it will be every single day to make it happen.

I am incredibly proud of myself. I was able to stick to a work out routine. That fact alone boggles my mind. It makes me kind of sad, actually. Imagine where I could be if I'd stuck to every routine. At least now I know I can stick with it for 30 days. 

My Sparring Buddy

Somehow, I've actually had motivation to stick to a work-out routine for the past two weeks. Today is Day 10 of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Yay! Last day of Workout 1.

Part of the reason I've been able to stick with it has been my little workout buddy. Everytime I get to the cardio boxing portion of the DVD, I spar it out with the Lil' Red. It's a workout for both the doughy little redheads in the house.

Don't worry. I never actually hit Rusty. I tap his paw once or twice to get him started and he just wants to hit me back. It's a fun little game to him. I did have to cut his nails, though, so I would stop getting hurt.

I've tried it with Sam, but he gets confused, then offended, then scared.

Also, let's pretend I didn't post a video of me working out, all sweaty and gross, on the internet. Just focus on the adorable cat, people.

Top Ten Running Songs

I've been running more lately and the only thing that makes it bearable is my playlist. However, it isn't full enough, so I am constantly looking for more good songs to round it out. This list is for anyone else also looking for some random songs to add to theirs.  

Take from this what you will, but according to my iTunes, these are the top ten songs I listen to when running.

1. "Fell in Love with a Girl" by the White Stripes
2. "Shark in the Water" by V V Brown
3. "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore
4. "Pump It" by the Black Eyed Peas
5. "C'Mon" by Ke$ha
6. "Pork and Beans" by Weezer
7. "Kung Fu" by Ash
8. "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol
9. "Feel Again" by OneRepublic
10. "Seven Nation Army (Remix)" by The Glitch Mob. 

Looking at the list, most of these songs were found from movies or TV or even commercials. And if you haven't seen the video that accompanies "Kung Fu", it is hilarious and awesome and I highly recommend it.

My First 10K

I was all ready to proudly retell the story of my first 10K. Of how the training had paid off. Of how I was able to run more of it than I thought I could. Of how my time would be better than I thought I would do.

But I can't.

None of that happened.

It was probably one of the worst and most painful experiences of my entire life.

Let's start at the beginning.

I had been training for several weeks. Running several times a week, but with the drastic increase in temperatures in the last couple of weeks, I hadn't been able to run the long runs I had planned. Knowing this, I had accepted just being happy finishing the 10K. If I could run the first 5K of it, I would call it a win.

Morning of the race, I was a ball of nerves. Usually my mom runs races with me, but this was my first time solo. And at my longest distance ever. I was almost giddy with anticipation.

My number was 259. I kept joking that as long as I was #259 or better in my age group, I would call it a win.

The first two miles were almost easy, given that it was all uphill. I ran along side a woman who works at the same company as me, but we've never really interacted before. At mile 2, she either picked up her pace or I got slower and there gradually became a gap between us.

I managed to run all the way to the turn around point, Mile 3.1, and finally took a walk break. My left knee was starting to bug me, but it didn't really hurt. It just felt like it was annoyed to be running, if that made any sense. The kind of pain you just push through and eventually it stops bugging you. You can at least ignore it.

At about the same time, my stomach started to bug me, too. I would run for a bit, but the sinking feeling that my stomach was becoming angry and would make a mess of me if I didn't take a break. So, I would alternate running until my stomach spoke up and walk until it calmed down. I even pushed through and ran the majority of Mile 4.

As soon as I stepped across the line for Mile 5, I stopped for a walk break and knew I was in trouble. My knee was no longer just an annoyance, it really f'in hurt. A lot. I walked for a bit, hoping that was all it needed.

After a couple of minutes, I started to run again. And by started, I mean I took one step and thought my leg was going to give out under me. My left knee, which up until that point had never, ever given me any trouble, was now basically useless.

This is where I started to panic. What are you supposed to do at that point? I was roughly a mile from the finish line and I could barely walk. I did, I kept slowly walking, but every step was pure agony and getting worse with each one.

Five minutes later and probably 100 feet, I texted Dan. No response.

Another ten minutes and probably another 100 feet, I called him. I told him I blew my knee out. He said, "Ok." "OK?!?!?" I shouted back and just hung up. He wanted me to tell him what to do. I wanted him to step up and save me because I was on the side of a major road, in pain, getting passed by progressively slower walkers. No sidewalks or side streets to stop on. My limp had gotten so bad I had to stop walking every couple of dozen steps to rub it and people kept asking me if I was OK. If I needed them to send help when they got to the finish line. I greatly considered it, but my pride kept me limping along.

The good runners were now coming back passed me, burning off their extra energy because 6.2 miles wasn't enough for them. A friend of my mom's stopped to encourage me. It took all I had not to burst into tears.

I was about a half mile from the finish line. Over the last big hill came my knight in shining yellow T-shirt. Dan had come walking along the course to find me. By the time he reached me, I was a big, sobbing mess. A full blown panic attack. I didn't want to have to go back to the finish line, with all the runners who actually have functioning knees and decent times. I tried to rip my number off so no one would know that I was a big, fat failure. We could hobble back to the car and pretend it never happened.

Unfortunately and fortunately, my mom's friend found me again. She convinced me to keep going. To just cross the line. For that last quarter mile, the three of us slowly hobbled toward the finish line.

Dan walked me across it. The timer displayed "1:37". I don't know my official time. I don't know how I placed. I refuse to look. I don't need to, it'll just make me sad. I set the bar low at finishing the race and, technically, that's what I did.

The big question now is how this will affect my training. This race was just supposed to be a stepping stone to the race I really want to run in September. An eight mile run, all on pavement. Even though it's four months away, how can I even attempt it? It doesn't seem like a realistic goal anymore, at least not this year.

As I lie on the sofa, icing my knee, I can't imagine it happening, but who knows? If I have to put it off for another year, it's not the end of the world. And at least I got to cross one goal off my resolutions list...

Work Out Wednesdays: Rocktober

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There IS a month called "Rocktober" and it is named so because I rocked it.

I didn't write about it in my blog because I didn't want the added pressure, but guess what I did EVERY SINGLE DAY in October? I worked out.

That's right. For 31 days straight, I worked out every day.

It was an arbitrary goal I made up on October 3rd, with Halloween and skimpy costumes appearing on the horizon, and I somehow managed to stick it out. I'm really proud of myself. Originally, I was going to reward myself with a fancy pair of shoes or a really good quality purse, but it doesn't seem right now. It doesn't accurately reflect my accomplishment and what I learned from it.

And after 31 days, I learned a lot.

• Working out doesn't equal weight loss. After working out for four weeks straight, I gained five pounds. I did. There's no denying it. Personally, when I work out more, my appetite sky rockets and I eat. A lot. I wish I could be self-aware enough to curb my eating when I'm focusing on my fitness, but I just haven't mastered that yet. Some may argue that I may actually be smaller, but more dense, that may be true, but I don't have any proof either way. I took from this that if you are looking to slim down quick, focus on diet, not exercise. If you are looking to keep weight off, exercise is critical. But my focus wasn't on my weight. The five pounds I gained really aren't phasing me because of the things my body can do now. That being said...
• When you buckle down, you can make a lot of progress in a very short amount of time. My regiment consisted of a rotation of Day 1: Running, Day 2: Jillian Michael's 30 Day shred, Day 3: Other workouts (like yoga, dance, etc.). Over the course of the month, the amount I could run shot way up. I could run faster and longer. I could make it all the way through Exercise 1 of the 30 Day Shred without taking any breaks. I didn't expect to notice so much progress. There are times in the past when I've "trained" for something and haven't seen any results and given up. Now I know that you can't be on the look-out for results because you will probably be disappointed. You have to focus on something motivational NOW, not in the future. 
• Sometimes taking a day off helps your progress more than another workout. When the end of the month was in sight, my body really started to break down. Although I made sure to switch up my workouts as much as possible to prevent fatigue, some of my muscles just weren't having it anymore. I don't know what caused it, but my calves just didn't want to work. It made running very difficult. Even though I had been running longer and farther, I suddenly couldn't do the easier runs I could have done at the beginning of the month. Since Rocktober ended and I took some time off and let my calves rest, my runs have shot back up in length. 
• There is ALWAYS time for a workout. It's not like my life stopped when I tried to complete this challenge. I still went to work. I still hung out with friends. I still went on date nights with my husband. I just forced it to work. Here's how:
• Treadmill. I am lucky enough to have a treadmill, which means I could run at night safely. Most of my running happens at roughly 9PM, after dinner is long over and I've watched a couple of my primetime shows.
• Hulu. Almost all shows are online the next day. It's not a good enough reason to skip a workout. 
• PIP. That being said, if you just can't miss your show, you can always do picture-in-picture with a workout DVD.
• Just put your shoes on. Putting shoes on is always the hardest part. No matter how tired you are, no matter how unmotivated you are, no matter how late it is (there were some days I managed to get a 11:30PM workout in just under the wire), once you start working out, it gets easier. Starting is always the most difficult part.

Now that it's done and I get to take days off, I feel more guilty when I skip a workout. I know I can make the time. I know my body can handle it. It's all in my head. And I should be running because I've got a 5k I'm training for, but it's still difficult to get off the couch and just do it.

Workout Wednesdays: The Cleanse Tea

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Have you seen this cleanse floating around Pinterest?

I swear I see it at least once a day on my daily Pinterest check-in. I usually ignore it, but then I found this: a testimonial of someone who actually tried out the cleanse. I was suddenly all ears.

After reading her assessment and review, I decided to give it a try. It was remarkably simple once you bought the dandelion root tea off of amazon (link). The only other requirements were diet cranberry juice, lemon juice, and a pitcher.

Here's how I made it. I poured 20 oz of boiling water over the tea bag every night. After letting it sit for a few minutes, I added the remaining 40 oz of water, the cranberry and lemon juice, and I let it chill in the fridge overnight. The next morning, I filled up two water bottles to take to work and drank one in the morning and one in the afternoon. When I got home from work, I drank whatever remained in the pitcher. Besides that, I just ate and exercised like I normally do.

It actually doesn't taste that bad. It tastes kind of earthy, but it's not bad. I didn't even notice the taste if I was eating something at the same time. It just tasted like really cold water. It always seemed to be colder than regular water for some reason.

According to the testimonial, the water weight would immediately melt off of me. The morning of the second day, I weighed myself and expected the two to three pound weight loss like the reviewer. I think I lost 0.2 pounds, maybe 0.4.

After a week of drinking this tea and eating normally, I lost a total of 0.6 pounds, saw no difference in my body, and had no adverse effects to the tea. It was really no skin off my back, minus the $8 I spent on the tea, but I was really hoping for a quick solution. It wouldn't have been a big deal if I'd lost five pounds of water only to have it come back a week later, but it would have been nice to have a trick up my sleeve if I needed to slim down in a hurry for a pool party or a known ex run-in or something.

Maybe this tea will work well for other people because it could be that I just don't retain much water (then why do I feel so puffy?!) or it works well in conjunction with starting a diet or exercise regime, but for me, it wasn't worth it.

Work Out Wednesdays: The Lie

I started Work Out Wednesdays way back in November. The last time I talked about was optimistically after New Years. For anyone who doesn't want to do the math, that means I've been trying to work on my weight for over 8 months now.

8 months. 8 long months. And you know how much progress I've made?

None. Actually, I'm pretty sure I weigh more now than I did at the beginning of this. Yep, just checked the numbers and it's higher. (Part of it's my own fault. Let's be honest, it's all my own fault, but how dumb was I to start documenting getting healthy right before the holidays?)

And it's not like I really haven't made any progress. I can run farther and longer than I used to. I eat more fruits and vegetables. I have been able to drop weight here and there, I just haven't been able to keep it from sneaking back on. I've tried numerous things and I feel like I know 99.99% what works for me and what doesn't.

So why haven't I come close to making any sort of dent, you ask? Mainly because I have failed to realize that I've been at this for more than 8 months. Even though I've been writing about it for the past 8 months, I've been battling the weight creeping up since I finished grad school. That was over a year and a half ago. And during that time, my mindset has always been that I can do it. I can get back to a weight where my pants don't torture me. I can be content.

But I can't. I can't without realizing that every single freakin' day matters. Unless I am on my game 100% of the time, I'm not going to get the results I want. Every chocolate chip adds up. Every evening that I have the energy to work out but I don't have to because I have a run scheduled for the next day so I sit on the couch instead works against me.

I just want my old pants to fit again. They're only one size smaller. I just want to get back into them.

I just want to not feel like a weakling all the time. I want to actually be of some help when moving some random piece of furniture with my husband. I want the guys at work to not try and hide their eye rolls when I have a hard time working on one of my robots.

I want to feel like the badass I know I am on the inside.

And I won't get close to feeling any of these things unless I make every second of every day count. It's time to stop lying to myself. 

Work Out Wednesdays: Technology

The New Year has gotten off to a good start and it's all due to technology. Seriously, if I'd known it was this easy to motivate myself by upgrade my old stuff to devices actually from this decade (wow, I meant that as a joke, but it sadly is a true statement), I would have done this months or years ago. Let's break it down.

• The New Ipod. Dan got me a Nano for Christmas and, while I already had an Ipod Mini (remember those?), this new one has given me the motivation to actually treat it well. And maybe more importantly, we found a way to get downloads for free (shh!). I went hog-wild! Crazy! I've always had lists going of all the music I wanted to get someday, but it would have cost me hundreds of dollars. With my new Ipod and all my new music, I am excited to hop on the treadmill. I want to listen to my new music and I only let myself do it if I'm working out, so it's become great motivation. Now, if I could only learn how to use it properly. I swear, no exaggeration, I accidentally restart my shuffle at least 3 times each time I run. So. Incredibly. Frustrating. But once I get past that and can keep downloading new music to keep myself excited, this should be easy.
• My new phone. There's a reason they are called smart phones: they are so much smarter than the people that use them. And mine has outsmarted me in two ways: 
1. The calendar. I found this guide online of how to train for a 5K and I committed to it. By committing to it, I marked out time in my phone calendar for each and every workout for 10 weeks. 10 whole weeks. Granted, I'm sure things will have to shift around at some point, but for now, I know which days I work out and what I do on those days. And let me just say, if you plan on trying this workout plan, it is intense. Or maybe I'm just really out of shape, but being on the treadmill for a an hour every other day really takes a toll on your feet quickly. My feet are going to be so ugly by the end of this, but my legs will be awesome!
2. The Calorie Counter. FatSecret (don't you hate that name? I hate it!) makes a great food tracker app. I tried planning my food out. I really did, but it just got to be too hard. So, I'm tracking everything I eat with this app. And it's great because it's got a huge database filled with almost every food you can imagine and its nutritional information, so it does all the totals for you. It sums up the calories and lets you know what percentage of the calories you've eaten that you need to eat that day based on your weight goals. I check it before I eat something so I know the serving size. I record what I eat after I eat it. I note the exercise I did that day. 

I feel like I'm on the right track. For some reason, deep in my bones, this time feels different. I can envision myself in my newer, healthy body at the end of this. I am committed to making a solid run at it. I know I've said that before, but hopefully, I won't have to say it again.

Work Out Wednesday: Part 2

Well, let's be honest, the first time I tried this, it was a bust. A complete bust. It wasn't for a lack of trying, but the point of it was to develop a strategy to help me lose weight and keep it off. And it did teach me some things about myself, even if I did manage to negate any of the work I'd done in the past week of Christmas food. Here's what it taught me:

1. While I can eat healthy when I'm at work, I eat the majority of the calories when I get home from work.
2. I spend too much time sitting around when I could be doing things around the house.
3. I don't spend enough time planning out what I will eat for things like lunch and dinner. Most of the time, I assume that I can make something "healthy" with what we have, but by the time I get home, everything goes downhill fast. 
4. My weight fluctuates a lot. I knew it could fluctuate by a pound or two from day to day, but I was confusing progress with the days when I just happened to lose a pound and falling behind when I would gain.
5. I feel so much better once I've done some cardio. I love the feeling when I'm able to push myself on the treadmill. But I also get bored very easily. I can run every day for about two weeks, but past that point, you couldn't pay me to get on it. The problem is the treadmill is easy. Wait for the episode you're watching to finish, pop in some headphones, and chug along when you can fit it in. I was fitting exercise into my life rather than planning my life around my exercise.

Alright. Well, I learned. Now, what am I going to do with it?

1. I will plan to work out every day. Every night, before I go to bed, I will plan out how I will work out the next day. Even if it's just working out my arms with my silly little weights while watching "HIMYM" or walking on the treadmill while catching up on reading, I will find a way to get off the couch and integrate movement into my life. 
2. I will use the treadmill for a max of four times a week. I need to mix up my work outs so I won't get bored. I will get outside and run. I will work more zumba into my life. I will take my mom up on her guest passes to her gym. I will find more exercise videos online (there are a surprising amount on Hulu!)
3. I will plan out recipes for a week. I will plan out at least 5 recipes for a week and stock up on the ingredients early in the week. Even if it's a frozen Lean Cuisine, I will make sure that there is healthy food in the house.
4. I will plan out what I will eat every day. As Gina commented on my very first post, it's very helpful to write down what you eat so you will be aware of it. Well, I'm going to spin it. I will list everything I plan on eating the next day. Knowing my schedule and what's in my fridge, it shouldn't be too difficult and should keep me from straying and grazing on Cheetos. 
5. I will only weigh myself twice a week, on Monday and Friday mornings. Monday mornings are always my worst after a weekend of bad eating and Friday's are always my best after a week of healthy eating. Hopefully, this will help me be more mindful on weekends and eliminate the mood swings with the weight swings. 

Let's give this another go. I'm ready. 

Work Out Wednesdays: The Bad Days

There will be no numbers today. Why, you ask? Because it's been a couple of bad days.

When I started this series, I thought it would be good motivation. If it's out on the internet, someone might read it and someone might care, so I should try reaaaaaally hard. And that's still true, but it's a lot of pressure, too.

The good days are that much better. Yay! I'm proud of myself and now everyone else will be too!

But the bad days. The bad days are that much worse. And it's been some bad days.

I was doing so well before Thanksgiving. I was at my lowest weight in a long time, without extreme measures (cleanses suck). But then, a couple of bad days after Thanksgiving (I actually did pretty good at Thanksgiving dinner!) and PMS and I feel like I'm back at the beginning.

I've been working hard for four weeks and I feel like I'm back at the beginning. After four weeks of increased workouts and watching what I eat, my pants don't fit any better. I can run a little farther, but I feel the same.

I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I can up my workouts and watch what I eat even more closely or I can accept the body I have now and throw in the towel. It's lose-lose. I don't want to have to think about food and working out all the time. I found this blog, Undressed Skeleton, and it's full of helpful tips, but I don't want the life of the writer. I want to go to the beach and eat ice cream. I don't want to know the caloric intake off every item on the Olive Garden menu. I don't want to eat my soup with a fork since broth contains sodium.

The only way I think I can move forward is to focus on what I want rather than the numbers. The numbers are important quantifiers but it's really not the reason I'm doing all of this, right? So, here are my goals (most of which I will probably need to quantify at some later date):

• Eat less fast-food
• Make more home cooked meals, less prepackaged food
• Run 5k straight on the treadmill
• Incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet
• Be able to do a pull-up
• Do 20 straight leg push-ups

I'm going to keep trying, at least until the new year. I need to keep trying and hoping that these last couple of days are purely a fluke. The next few weeks will be incredibly hard, but I am committed to trying. Maybe I'll even have completed a goal or two.

Work Out Wednesdays: The Credit Card System

In honor of Black Friday, here's my new dieting strategy: the credit card system.

Let me first say that I am much better at money than I am at dieting. Actually, I'm awesome at money. I realized that if I treat dieting like my credit card bill, I'm much better at that too.

Ok, so let's break it down. Any extra weight I'm carrying I count as debt. At the beginning of this, I was 17.6 pounds in debt. It's earning interest and dragging me down, just like regular debt.

I give each piece of food I eat some value. Things like salad, oatmeal, fruit, vegetables, and yogurt are all free. Anything associated with my planned breakfast, lunch, and dinner are free. That brownie that I broke down and ate? That's worth 20 minutes on the treadmill. That handful of Cheetos? An ab workout. All of this debt then goes onto my body "credit card".

From there, I consider each day as it's own credit card cycle. It must be paid off by the end of the day to not earn interest. If I owe 30 minutes on the treadmill, I must pay up by the end of the day. I know it's weird, but for some reason, it works pretty well for me. And it's nice because it prevents me from eating really crappy at the end of the day. If I don't have the time to pay it off before bed, I can't eat it. It also takes some of the guilt away. It's ok to eat the cookie if I'm having a bad day and just need it, as long as I step up later and burn it off. Any time I manage to workout more than what I owe for the day, it reduces the long-term weight debt I'm trying to overcome.

It's been working pretty well for me this week. This week I went from 146.4 to 145.4, a loss of one pound.

It's not much, but it's a loss. Total, I'm down 2.2 pounds. Would I like to be down more? Absolutely, but I can't let this take over my life right now. With the time I have off right now, I should probably be doubling up on my workouts, but I wouldn't change what I'm eating. I need the energy that is not associated with extreme calorie counting.

Anyway, I've kind of got a goal in mind now. At the end of December, I've got an informal high school reunion and I would love to be under 140. It's not an extreme goal. I just need to lose 5.4 pounds in five weeks.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy, ignoring all the crazy holiday eating.

Ok, nevermind. I may be screwed.

Work Out Wednesdays: Zumba

I hate to admit it, but it's been a loooooong time since I've been to a good dance class and I was jonesing for one. For some reason, dance is in my blood (awww, look how cute I was?!)

I took dance classes from about the age of 3 to 6, hence this awesome picture of me and my little sister.  From ages 14 to 19, I basically just danced in my room. The door would lock, I would blast the stereo, and just pretend I was some pop star for hours on end. It probably drove everyone else in my house insane. 

My senior year of high school, I started to really get into Bollywood. The movies were colorful, beautiful, and musical and the food is almost exclusively vegetarian. It's like it was made just for me. Anyway, after dwelling on Indian culture for a couple of years, I decided to take an Indian dance class. However, I was dumb and thought that Indian dancing and bellydancing were the same thing. 

After my first bellydance class, I was hooked. Every Friday night I would tie on my coin skirt and shake my hips. And I was actually pretty good at it. About a year after I started taking the class, the teacher approached me with an opportunity. She was pregnant and apparently there are moves you aren't supposed to do when pregnant, so would I be interested in being her demonstration? I would stand at the front of the class, help her teach, and show the moves her doctor wouldn't let her do. It was so much fun until she had her baby and the class just dissolved. 

A couple of years later, I was having the dance itch again. My friend jokingly forwarded me an email for a pole dance class. She had tried it at a bachelorette party and thought I might find it entertaining. After an introductory class, I signed up for a six week course. It has to be the best arm workout I've ever had. But besides that, the bruises were horrendous and the pace of the class was just too fast for me. Even with supplemental sessions, it was just too hard for me. 

Since then, I've been trying to fill the void. After a couple of Google searches I found a contemporary dance studio on my side of town. And wouldn't you know it, it was run by a girl I went to high school with.

I finally got around to trying it out Monday night. I'd heard a lot about Zumba (and by heard, I mean watched infomercials) so I wanted to give it a try. I don't think I've ever felt as good or looked as worse as I did at the end of that workout. It was brutal, but so much fun. After a couple more weeks of it, I can only assume that I will be in as good of shape as the instructor. 

If you live in Tucson, check out Steps Studio.

So, onto the ugly stuff, my progress:

 

As you can see, this week didn't go so great. I went from 145.6 to 146.4, a gain of 0.8 pounds.  I should probably be harder on myself, but I'm not going to be. I'm still down 1.2 pounds since the beginning. And there was going to be no way in hell that I had lost weight this week. Over the weekend, it was Dan's birthday and I may not be great when it comes to buying presents, but I am great when it comes to feeding him. Mmm, pizza, buffalo wings, spinach dip, cheetos, gorilla bread, IBC root beer, Texas Roadhouse, Taco Bell. Yeah, it adds up. Actually, I'm amazed I only gained the weight I did. 

Just have to keep telling myself that it was slow to put on, so it will be slow to come off. And the holidays sure as hell won't help.

Work Out Wednesdays: The Pantry

On my mission to live healthier, the first step of the journey was organizing my diet. I swear I've read somewhere that weight loss is 85% diet and 15% exercise, so it made logical sense to start with diet.

When it comes to food decisions, I can behave for breakfast and my packed lunch for work, but I instantly derail when I get home everyday. I'm always starving and, even in the amount of time it takes to microwave a Lean Cuisine, I start grazing on the snacks in the pantry.

In order to combat my cow-like tendencies, I organized the pantry. My logic was that once it was organized, I would be able to easily find the healthy snacks and hide the destructive ones from my line of sight without having to sadden my husband by throwing them out. I have no will-power and if I see something good, I'll eat it. I was gambling on the fact that if I couldn't see it, I would forget it was there.

This was our pantry before. It was a mess. I tried to develop a system when we moved in but that instantly dissolved. Because of the odd shape of the pantry (who builds a triangular pantry?) and not knowing our routine and eating habits at the new house, everything became perched on the very edge of the shelves and you could never find anything easily.

The Pantry: Before

To battle this, first I went to Target and bought some large cereal tupperware. The cardboard boxes don't fit properly on the shelf so they end up in odd places and block off the healthy snacks. Then, I pulled absolutely everything out of the pantry. In the laundry room, I divided things into piles based on similarities. I didn't create categories until they emerged from grouping similar items, but it quickly became baking, cooking, snacks, breakfast, and random staples (mainly things that needed to be refrigerated once opened). Next, I chose shelves for them based on health and use. The cooking stuff was put at eye level so I would be motivated to make dinner rather than to eat four handfuls of Goldfish. Staples went on the bottom shelf and baking on the top since they don't get used that often. Also, once snacks went on its shelf, the cookies and brownies were hidden in the back corner.

The Pantry: After

This system has worked pretty well so far. I had to sit Dan down and explain to him where everything was and threaten the safety of his kneecaps if he dared screw it up. It'll probably need maintenance every couple of months, but it is lightyears past where it was originally. I know it's not that impressive, but it's a start, people!

So, onto the more important part of this post: my weight loss progress thus far.

My graph shows my weight for every day over the past week as well as the trend. I've gone from 147.6 to 145.6, so a loss of two pounds! It's not much, but it's a start. I keep telling myself that it took a long time to put it on so it's going to take a long time to get it off.

One observation from this graph: I eat a lot of salty foods over the weekend. I ate relatively the same amount of calories, but I ate so much more salt that my body acted like a sponge. Fortunately, most of the bloat disappeared quickly, but I've got to start being more careful about my salt intake.

And hopefully, over time, the graph will look less frantic as the hills and valleys smooth out. This time, I'm refusing to let one or two bad days kill my spirit. And I know I'm going to really have to stick to that philosophy this weekend as it's someone's birthday and I plan on feeding him very well.

Let's Just Call This An "Outline"

Just a couple of random things on my mind recently.

First, on a blog I frequent, one of the fellow commentors, JK, gave me a shout out and hits have gone through the roof.

     I clicked through to your blog, I loved it!! The Minnie Driver entry was funny. And I´ve
     bookmarked the recipe for peanut butter nutella cookies, they look amazing.

Woot! I ab-so-lute-ly love when people compliment this weird little thing I write. Totally made my day. Thanks!

Second, apparently November is National Blog Posting Month, aka NoBloPoMo. Meaning  that for this ENTIRE month, I will post something every day. Thankfully November only has 30 days so only 27 more posts to go. And hopefully, a couple of them will be more interesting than this babble.

Third, with the holidays quickly approaching, I'm stepping up my health routine and I'm declaring it to the internet so I might actually stick to it for once. My life has changed so much in the past year (from being a college student to a primarily desk job, from living alone to being married to a man with the metabolism of a hummingbird) and I've gained the jiggle around the middle to prove it. I plan on posting my progress every Wednesday in a series called "Work Out Wednesdays".

Currently, I've puffed up to 147.6 lbs. It's still a normal BMI for my 5'6" frame, but it's slowly creeping toward the unhealthy range. My goal is to get down to 130.0 lbs. I've been there before and while it's a couple pounds lower than my former default weight but, really, what else do I have going on right now? I even took a 'Before' picture in my bikini so that when I'm in awesome shape, you'll be able to tell how hard I really worked. I thought about posting it now, but if for some reason I fail to get in awesome shape, then there's just a picture of the pudgy version of me floating around on the internet.

(I did a Google search for images of being healthy and an amazing amount of pictures of women eating apples popped up. I like this one better.)

You Don't Mess with the Big Cat

Some days, when the Victoria's Secret models, A-List actresses, and all the other women who have always had less than 10% body fat and will always have 10% body fat start to wear on my self-esteem, I have to tell myself they aren't real. They're not. They're diets and photoshop and make up and shape wear. They're freakish genes and unhealthy habits.

But no matter how many times you tell yourself that, when it's all you see, it starts to feel like reality. That the most beautiful creatures on the planet tip-toe on heels in push-up bras.

So I look outside the glossy magazine images to something that is unedited. Something beautiful and real: the animal kingdom. My personal inspiration being the Siberian tiger.

Have you ever seen a tiger run? Watched the muscles in its legs ripple with each leap? No one looks at a tiger and thinks, Maybe she should cut back on the wild boars. It's really starting to show in her thighs...

A tiger's body is built for a purpose. Every part of it has a function and is a function how it lives. It may not be as svelte as a cheetah, but it wouldn't survive if it was.

A tiger is a powerhouse. A powerhouse that just about every other creature should fear. It's a beautiful, graceful animal that can tear your face off.

I'd much rather be a tiger than a supermodel. Wouldn't you?