Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Work Out Wednesdays: The Lie

I started Work Out Wednesdays way back in November. The last time I talked about was optimistically after New Years. For anyone who doesn't want to do the math, that means I've been trying to work on my weight for over 8 months now.

8 months. 8 long months. And you know how much progress I've made?

None. Actually, I'm pretty sure I weigh more now than I did at the beginning of this. Yep, just checked the numbers and it's higher. (Part of it's my own fault. Let's be honest, it's all my own fault, but how dumb was I to start documenting getting healthy right before the holidays?)

And it's not like I really haven't made any progress. I can run farther and longer than I used to. I eat more fruits and vegetables. I have been able to drop weight here and there, I just haven't been able to keep it from sneaking back on. I've tried numerous things and I feel like I know 99.99% what works for me and what doesn't.

So why haven't I come close to making any sort of dent, you ask? Mainly because I have failed to realize that I've been at this for more than 8 months. Even though I've been writing about it for the past 8 months, I've been battling the weight creeping up since I finished grad school. That was over a year and a half ago. And during that time, my mindset has always been that I can do it. I can get back to a weight where my pants don't torture me. I can be content.

But I can't. I can't without realizing that every single freakin' day matters. Unless I am on my game 100% of the time, I'm not going to get the results I want. Every chocolate chip adds up. Every evening that I have the energy to work out but I don't have to because I have a run scheduled for the next day so I sit on the couch instead works against me.

I just want my old pants to fit again. They're only one size smaller. I just want to get back into them.

I just want to not feel like a weakling all the time. I want to actually be of some help when moving some random piece of furniture with my husband. I want the guys at work to not try and hide their eye rolls when I have a hard time working on one of my robots.

I want to feel like the badass I know I am on the inside.

And I won't get close to feeling any of these things unless I make every second of every day count. It's time to stop lying to myself. 

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