Thursday, December 1, 2011

So, how's married life? Part II

I wrote this post originally five months ago, after only being married for four months. At the time, it felt so good to get everything off my chest. I was being dragged down into a deep sea trench, slowly drowning, by this anchor of what marriage was supposed to be. After five months and some pretty big changes, things are better. Things are infinitely better. I figured I owed the internet an update, that way anyone reading this blog doesn't think my marriage still sucks. It may not be all rainbows and gumdrops and fluffy kittens, but it's at least sunny skies and Smarties and old cats, whatever that means.

There were a lot of issues I was having at the beginning. My life had been completely and utterly turned upside down and what happened to my husband? He now had someone else encroaching on his big old bed and that was about it. Part of the reason it was weighing on me was there was suddenly this feeling that if there was a problem and I didn't fix it, it would be a problem for the rest of our lives. And I'm young so the rest of my life is a loooooong ass time. Eventually, it started to sink in that a lot of problems will only be fixed by time. I can't force a solution and trying to fix everything all the time was only stressing me out and annoying my husband.

Secondly, a big shift came when we moved. I was really hoping it would make things better and it truly did. When I moved in with my husband, although he would argue otherwise, I didn't bring that much. My apartment had come furnished so I only had a couple of large pieces and most everything else was clothes, but I totally already had dibs on the closet. Basically, it was still his house and I didn't feel 100% comfortable there. He had his way of doing things and most of the time, it still felt like I'd be packing up my stuff and heading back to my apartment at the end of the weekend.

Now, in our new house, it is our house. He has his stuff and I have mine. He has his areas he makes a mess of and I have mine. He knows that if I'm in a certain room in the house with the door closed, it probably means I want alone time and he shouldn't bug me. It's finally our home and I'm not constantly battling to feel comfortable there.

Also, small changes have made some huge differences. I finally get a good night's sleep. Why? Because we got separate bedding. Not beds, just bedding. On our big bed, he's got his comforter from his small college bed and I've got mine and the only fighting we do is over where the middle line is. It's just amazing how a little thing like that has made such a difference.

And part of the reason it made a difference was because I caved to how he likes to solve problems. Dan likes action. Like a typical guy, he wants to do something to fix the problem. It's annoying most of the time because I'm a typical girl and I don't want someone to solve it for me. I just want to talk about the problem and odds are that's all I need. Turns out, that wasn't the case. I needed solutions. We've finally developed a system of me bitching until it's all out in the open, with him just quietly listening. Once it's all out there, he's allowed to act. We both get what we need and it's working pretty well.

So, all in all, it's gotten better. I don't feel as much anymore that everyone has been lying to me about what marriage is supposed to be like. Throw in the fact that his work schedule has calmed down and I'd say I'm pretty happy with marriage most of the time now. There are still days when I am super excited to have the house to myself, but now I'm glad when I hear his car in the garage. Things are getting better and, as long as we don't kill each other over the upcoming Christmas break, I think we're finally getting the hang of this.

1 comment:

  1. I just read Part 1 and Part 2, and I love your honesty. I think you are brave to post how you really feel and I am happy to see that things have gotten better. I understand how getting a house together changes things a lot though.
    Actually it is really refreshing hearing someone saying it's not all rainbows and gumdrops and fluffy kittens!!