Wednesday, August 3, 2011

How to: Romance Someone

As a newlywed, my husband and I debate the proper level of romance in our lives. And when I say my husband and I, I mean me. And when I say debate, I mean yell. It's a recurring "debate" in our house, rearing its head about every two weeks. I get upset by the lack of romance, express it poorly, he listens and says things will change, I wait to give him time for things to change, after two weeks of waiting, rinse and repeat.

Well, today, after months and months of failed communication, I found an article that explains it perfectly. To a tee. This is what I've been trying to say all this time. The purpose of romance is simply:

'Acts of romance are all about communicating a simple truth. “When you’re not around, I still think about you.”'

Now, I'll play devil's advocate on this one. "Hey Carolyn, that's nice and all, but how does one be romantic?"

'All successful romantic gestures are the result of one person observing, plotting and executing a plan.'

That's all I want. That's all any woman wants. Get all three of three and count yourself romantic. Get two of three and your just a person who's seen too many chick flicks. Let's break down those three steps so there's no confusion.
  1. Observing: Romance doesn't necessarily mean jewelry or flowers or chocolates. It could, but it could also completely miss the mark (read the comments on the original article to see what I mean). It's about knowing what your partner would appreciate. Favorite color? Favorite food? Favorite movie genre? Favorite band? Favorite play? If the gesture isn't personalized, it doesn't count. She only wears gold jewelry and you buy her something silver? Doesn't count. We don't want to feel like this is your one romantic move and you've used it on every woman you've ever dated.
  2. Plotting: Most women believe that the amount of effort you put into the gesture is directly proportional to the amount you care about them. We want to know we weren't an afterthought. Reservations, tickets, scheduling, all these things usually work. Wrapping paper, surprises, secrets, all good things. Buy her a teddy bear, that's nice and sweet. Hide the teddy bear in increasingly larger boxes, hide the giant box, and create a treasure map to find it, that shows effort and thought and that defines romance.
  3. Executing: Actions speak louder than words. Plain and simple. You could tell someone that you think about them all the time, but if you can prove you do with a romantic gesture, well, no one can argue with that. Try this the next time someone's mad at you because you're not being romantic enough, "Baby, it's not I haven't planned anything. I just haven't done anything about it yet." Translation: "I saw a commercial aimed at women and thought you might like whatever they were selling." We see right through that one.
Ok, so you've followed all of that just fine, but now you're wondering, "Hey Carolyn, why should I be romantic?" Well, the proper answer is to show that you care about the other person. To show that you think enough of the person to do something for them. To show that even though you're working 60+ hours a week and barely ever home, you appreciate them doing all the shopping, cooking, and cleaning. And if you don't buy that answer, buy this one: brownie points. Do romantic things for someone so they'll do romantic things for you (i.e. sex).

We don't need something luxurious and grand. We just want to feel like you think we're luxurious and grand.

1 comment:

  1. As someone who has a hard time being "romantic" I really appreciated this post and will utilize the good advice you provide. Thanks for writing!