Wednesday, July 6, 2011

My Birth Control is Driving Me Insane

One of the biggest dilemmas I faced as a newlywed is trying to figure out which birth control method to use. At this point, it's not an issue of which one we like best, it's which one doesn't make me feel like driving my car through a mile of beehives, followed by a plummet off a cliff onto sharp jagged rocks.

Imagine every method of birth control out there. Now imagine trying them all or researching the ones that are too invasive to the point of nightmares.




After six months of trials and tribulations, I don't know if we're any closer to a solution. But here's what I've found:

Conventional birth control pills:
I was on birth control pills from the ages of 16 to 20. During that time, I was dating a pretty crappy guy. When I broke up with him, I went off the pill. And I was happy for the first time in a long time, but I chalked it up to cutting the jerk out of my life. So when I went back on the pill two months before the wedding and I felt like crap, I finally realized the pills might be to blame. I don't know why I didn't put it together earlier. I can't drink caffeine because it stays in my system for days, but I thought birth control pills wouldn't cause any problems? Geez...

It wouldn't be that bad if it didn't give me HORRIBLE mood swings. Every once in a while, venom starts to pump through my veins and I get the urge to grab someone by the throat and see how far my nails would dig in. It's not healthy.

Low Hormone birth control pills:
I talked to my gynecologist about the mood swings, so she put me on the lowest hormone pill on the market. However, because it's a new pill, insurance doesn't cover it. She gave me a two month sample, but I don't think I'll stay on it. Ask my husband about my mood today. These new pills aren't any better.

Personally, I have no problems with condoms. It's my husband that the issue. He's willing to use them even though he doesn't enjoy them, but the major problem is that he hasn't gotten up the courage to carry one with him. I keep leaving condom cases up on the computer screen but I think he's scared someone will see it and, GASP!, think he has sex with his new bride. The horror!

Did you know that getting fitted for a diaphragm is counted as a surgical procedure? Yep, found that out after going to my gynecologist and getting a bill three weeks later because my insurance doesn't cover "surgical procedures".

And that's not the most embarrassing part. When I was getting fitted, the doctor left the room so I could remove it and put it back to prove that I could do it. I can't. That was a loooong five minutes waiting for her to come back in. Even though I couldn't get it to work in the office, she still wrote me a prescription for one. Maybe I'll have better luck at home?

I know it should be considered a real method, but since we like to use at least two methods simultaneously, it could work as a back-up. There are only two real downsides: 1) I have to put severe faith in my husband being able to end things in time and 2) It means he can't even enjoy a finish.

Rhythm Method:
Another method that may work as a back-up. The downside is that I have absolutely no idea how it works. None. And, from the little I understand, you really have to track your cycle to use it, which means it probably wouldn't even be an option until I've been off the pill for a while. But since I'm good at math and love to plan, it might be the perfect back-up.

Have you ever researched IUDs? There are only two schools of thought on it: either they are the greatest thing ever invented or they ruin lives. No in-between. I really don't want to risk ruining my life over it.

So, I think that as of the end of this cycle of pills, we'll end up using some combination of condoms, pull-out, and the rhythm method. Ugh, I wish this was easier.

At least Dan and I agree on the vascetomy after we're done having kids. Snip snip!


  1. Depo works great for me. I couldn't do estrogen based pills, but progesterone is fantastic. And I only have to worry about it every three months! Worth a try, I think.

  2. I accidentally left off the worst one. Never NEVER go on the patch. I've never had mood swings like the ones I had on the patch. And no matter where you put it, you end up with a linty square outline when you remove it.