...and scared and just plain angry. I don't want to use this blog to discuss politics, but I do choose to use it to discuss my feelings.
Last night, as hope slipped away as the results rolled in, the only way I could cope was to go to bed early and wish that things would be better in the morning. They weren't, but the ache in my heart had started to numb. And as today has progressed, the numbness is slowly spreading through my body.
I had hoped that I would be able to walk into my morning meetings with my head held high. In my meetings where I am repeatedly the only woman sitting at the table, I would feel like less of an outsider because we finally had a female president. I didn't realize how much that dream meant to me until it was taken away.
And today, my heart goes out to every other person who is worried about their tomorrows.
To all women who have been given evidence yet again that sexism is alive and well in America.
To victims of sexual harassment and assault who have been shown that doing those things to other people will not end your career or even really hurt your image.
To members of the LGBTQ+ community who now have a Vice President who approves of conversion therapy.
To Muslims and their families, here and abroad, who have to now worry if a 'ban' could actually happen.
To refuges looking for safety here that now need to look somewhere else.
To Hispanics and Mexicans who have been treated like criminals and second-class citizens.
To anyone on Obamacare who now needs to worry about finding another health care source in case their's is repealed.
To anyone who benefited from Obama's policies, whatever they may be.
To all the future citizens hurt by whatever Supreme Court Justice Trump will appoint and the decisions he makes.
Today, I am sad. I grieve for all of these people, America, and myself. And tomorrow, I hope I can move forward. I hope this proof of how some people chose to wield their power is not wasted. I hope we can somehow use this huge crevasse to address some real issues.
And mostly, I hope that our government is so huge and cumbersome that nothing actually does change.