Thursday, August 16, 2012

PMS is Emperor Palpatine

"Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete"

"The hate is swelling in you now. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant."

"Good. Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you."
For a twelve hour window every month, I become a pod person to my hormones and the voice in my head tries to coerce me into destroying the rebel alliance.

There's a reason women never wish for super strength as a super power because if we ever had it, there would be a trail of bodies that have been ripped limb from limb once a month. 

This morning I cried for five minutes because my bun slid an inch down the back of my head. My cats, being boys, just looked at me with a mixture of fear and confusion. Rusty sat down next to me, I thought, to comfort me. He bit my knee.

I can feel the hormones pound through my body with every beat of my heart. Making my hands clench. Making my face scowl.

The odds are high that I will fall asleep at my desk today. Being internally furious takes too much energy.

Poor Dan gets the worst of it. The hormones uncap the shaken bottle of everything I keep inside. Anything and everything becomes a fight. Actual quote from me this morning: "Why would go around and pick up all your dirty laundry from the floor and not pick up any of my dirty laundry?!?"

Nothing is good enough. He either needs to be on pointe and perfect or just run for his life. Running and hiding is probably the smarter option, honestly. And actually, if he could have some food delivered to the house while he was hiding, there may not be a sobbing, swollen-faced mess to come home to.

Maybe I'll be kind to him and program this into his phone with a monthly reminder. "Order Chinese food and RUN!" He'd appreciate that.

Or maybe I'll let the hormones loose and see if he'll do something around the house for me for a change! Sometimes the dark side isn't such a bad thing. That Death Star was actually pretty cool. You know, from an engineering stand point.

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