Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Why the Home Shopping Network is Both the Greatest and the Worst Thing Ever

When you don't have cable, you end up settling for a lot of bad TV. Now that the Olympics are over, it is nearly impossible to find anything worth my attention between 5PM Friday to about 6PM Sunday. If it's a slow weekend, it means I end up watching A LOT of HSN.

Sometimes it's the good stuff, like celebrity clothing lines and old lady jewelry (wow, how does her wrist support that much turquoise?). Sometimes it's the crap like vitamins or hair care. No matter, if I am bored enough, I will soak it up like a sponge.

Last weekend, it was a whole weekend of "trunk sale", whatever that is, but it was ALL designer clothes and jewelry. Let me tell you, at about 11:30 on a Friday when you are loopy tired from a long work week but are determined to not go to bed early like the old lady you secretly are, it becomes very hard to resist their sales pitch. While most of the year, I swear it's 90+ degrees in Tucson, I was convinced this was the greatest thing ever and would complete my life:

Isn't it gorgeous? I'm a sucker for jackets, and granted it costs more than all the jackets and coats in my closet combined, but wouldn't it look great on me? You know, for those four days it's actually cold here?

Also, they had these jeans:

Aren't they genius? They're colored on the front, but black on the back, but the black wraps around half in on each side to slim you. They're jeggings that visually slim you! So smart! Can't say I'm the biggest fan of the color selection, but I would totally wear them.

Now, I've never purchased anything from HSN and I never intend to, but these ladies are just so convincing! I want to buy everything they're selling. It's like they are half news anchor, half used cars salesman. There's a reason why everyone who calls in talks about the dozens and dozens of pants they've purchased before and loved. They are brainwashed by these hosts!

Someday, hopefully long in the future, when I've finally had my mental breakdown, it will be evident by the sudden insane credit card bill as I've caved to the TV succubuses.

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